An interesting thing happened to me the other day. I was at my homeschool center carrying my tiny one - arms full of school things and my toddler hanging on to me. I was trying to get through a very heavy door. As I struggled through a woman brushed right past me almost knocking my three year old down. I was miffed for a while. Didn't she see me? Couldn't she have waited a few seconds? Could she have helped with the door? Did she think I was opening the door for her - me with my arms full of babies and things - her with her arms empty? After fuming for a while I calmed down but the incident stuck with me and I realized that she made me feel invisible - an uncomfortable feeling. After thinking about it for some time (not stewing - just thinking - honest!!) I was convicted. Do I make people feel invisible? Is my agenda more important? Do people just fade from view in my quest to get things done? Does checking things off my to-do list take control of me? Am I unpleasant, ungraceful or unloving in order to be productive? Am I self-absorbed?
I want to be filled with grace - the kind of person that even in a casual encounter someone will know that Jesus resides in my heart. I want to be able to stop and care even if my agenda is delayed or even set aside. And I think the area I need to work on that the most is within the four walls I call home. Sometimes (maybe even often) I get going on "Getting things done" that my children are set aside- after all a clean house is a mark of a good stay at home mom right?
So the result of all this - I prayed a prayer. I admit I was somewhat reluctant because being shown where you mess up isn't always comfortable (but I know that God will keep bringing this up if I don't obey). I prayed that God would show me where I don't offer grace, where loving people isn't first in my life, where rudeness instead of courtesy comes out and I asked Him to change my heart and my actions. I have a feeling this is going to be a long journey. I suspect I'm far more self-absorbed than I ever imagine. But I am excited - I want to touch lives for Jesus and this is a good place to start I think. Jesus calls us to be that light of the world - that's what I want to be.